the CrazyNastyIcky Hybrid Spider

Preface:

Let it be known, that I do NOT like spiders. No matter how small.
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So. The other day (Friday, I think it was), I was doing my makeup in the bathroom before work when I spied a spider in the mirror. It appeared to be on the wall behind me. I whipped around lightning fast, and saw it scurrying up the wall toward the crack-- the place where wall and ceiling meet, the perfect refuge for a spider-about-to-be-squished.

It was now too high to smash with a shoe, without the risk of it falling onto my head.

So I did what anyone would do: I reached for the air freshener. I sprayed that nasty little creep within an inch of its life. And all it did was scurry away from me, into the shower area.

I needed something more potent. I frantically looked around, keeping one eye on the evil little demon, to make sure it did NOT escape me. Cause the scariest spider is the one that escapes.

I opened the closet door and lunged for the windex. Ready, aim, FIRE-- I blasted it in quick, furious spurts-- and again, it scurried on.

It was now the cleanest and best-smelling spider on the block. Ugh. As if the vile little vermin deserved the use of my bathroom products!

But it had to die. So my last resort was a can of aerosol athlete's foot spray. Powerful stuff. (not that I'd know. Or anything.)If it could kill pesky foot fungus, why not an eight-legged pest??

I maintained a steady stream of fungal-blasting fury, and when I saw that the spider was no longer moving, I stopped--though it was still clinging to the wall above the shower. I figured not moving = dead, and it will eventually drop into the tub, and I will splash it down the drain when I get home.

To tell you the truth, I forgot all about that spider-- Until tonight.

When I spotted it scurrying along my bathroom floor! I immediately recognized it as the antagonist of my Friday morning horror movie, and looked for something to smash it to death once and for all!

But it moved-- and r1an right into a puddle of water on the floor. (thanks Ellie for splashing in the tub although I always tell you not to!) Once it hit the water, its legs extended outward, and I thought Awesome! It just committed suicided  and did my job for me!!!

But, as soon as I tried to grab it with my toilet paper-clad hand, it swam out of the puddle and began running across the floor!!

What the HECK?? I began to entertain thoughts of robot spiders, that could not be annihilated, and I am not afraid to admit that I was freaking out a bit.

Using a blunt object that I found, I began beating it like a maniac. It would crumple up, and then pop back up and keep going! I am not making this up!!!

I grabbed a HUGE wad of trusty TP and grabbed at it. I checked to make sure I had it, and I thrust it into the toilet and flushed. Twice.

But I probably will not be sitting down to pee for a while.
You know. Just in case it decides to crawl back out of the toilet and use my butt as a landing pad.

Or somethin' like that.

And that's the story of why I now believe in evolution. Cause, what else explains the crazy hybrid spider that adapted itself to and was fully acclimated to my bathroom environment and products? Huh??

I'd like to hear YOU come up with a better explanation!