Survival

Okay, so I am getting a little sick of everyone asking my due date, then snickering and saying "yeah, like you'll make it 'till then!" I know they're saying it because I already look like I'm gonna spontaneously combust. Do they think I don't have a mirror at home? I know what I look like. I don't need to be reminded.

But, I'm beginning to take that comment in a different way now.

"If you make it that long..." = "if I survive this awful thing."

Everything hurts now. My back, my boobies, my bladder when it gets too full and baby Eva lays all her weight on it, my lady part down there, my uterus with the awful "just kidding!" contractions, my feet--oh how my feet hurt!!!!! And they are swollen like an elephant's feet. I don't even have ankles anymore. No, I now have cankles. They're ugly.

All this pain and discomfort is making me super irritible. I went out shopping with Ellie today after work.

I just kept a constant chant running through my head: it's not her fault, it's not her fault... not her fault that I needed to pee 10 minutes ago... not her fault that my feet feel like someone is stabbing them with hot knives and she feels like playing the "why, Mommy?" game... not her fault that my back may give out at any moment and she wants to know the names of every shopper in the store... not her fault, not her fault...

Ahh, if I survive indeed... and, if my family survives :)